I myself am guilty of committing the "fundamental attribution error" on a number of occasions and see others do it too. It is called 'fundamental' because so many people do it so regularly - in fact most of us. It is called an 'error 'because we are almost always wrong. It is a social psychology term and 'human attribution' research has confirmed its commonality. So what is it?
In short, "a fundamental attribution error," is an error in judging the reasons for another person's actions, attributing (hence the word attribution) internal processes: their personality, thinking, motivation, character. etc. Here is an example used by the authors of the book Influencer. They describe a study in the field of 'human attribution' that went this way. Suppose you are in a grocery store check-out line and you notice a man with a toddler in his cart coming towards you. From the way his cart is pointed you begin to think he plans to butt into the line. He leans over to talk to his toddler as he comes and looks over at the magazines seeming to study the headlines. He makes eye contact with no one in the line. You watch him closely; sure enough he goes directly to the front of the line and begins to put his items onto the conveyer, ignoring everyone else. Why do you think he did this? In the study, various people were asked to say what they thought. Very rarely did anyone in the study attribute positive reasons, of give him a break. Almost overwhelmingly they said things like: "He thinks he is too important to take his turn. He thinks he is more important than anyone else. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. Etc." When people who actually did butt into line were confronted about it, generally they seemed surprised and gave as a reason that they actually didn't notice the line. Lack of mindfulness was by far the most common reason.
Think of a time when someone cut you off in traffic. What was your first response to him? How did you describe him in your head? I know - "Jerk." We instantly attribute personal negative motives, thinking the person did it on purpose. Now think of a time when YOU cut someone else off in traffic. Maybe you noticed what you had done when they honked or gave you the finger, and if you saw their face, you knew approximately what they were thinking - and it wasn't good. Now what did you say to yourself about it? "Oops, shouldn't have done that, should focus more on my driving, shouldn't be driving when I feel unwell, really I didn't notice him until it was too late because of that guy changing lanes ahead of me. It's just that I am so pre-occupied with what happened at home/work/school/etc." We all tend to excuse ourselves for mistakes because we know we didn't INTEND to cause anyone trouble but it was just the circumstamces we were in. In a course I teach we use a saying: "We judge other by their actions, we judge ourselves by our intentions."
Unfortunately the fundamental attribution error can cause a lot of pain to others. For example, once almost 20 years ago, I was asked to substitute for someone playing the organ in Sacrament meeting. I want to say right now off the top, that I am not that good and I get extremely nervous. But the regular organist had experienced trouble finding someone to do it for her, so I agreed. I made the one hour drive to the church twice that week to practice, even though I had children at home. One of the hymns chosen was fast and tricky. I practiced that one the most but still didn't feel really confident. On Sunday, the chorister - I don't remember her name but I can still see her face - tried to lead the hymn much faster than I was able to play it. She turned around during the hymn and glared at me when I didn't keep up and continued to lead faster than I was playing. After it was over, she glared at me walking back to her seat and after the meeting she glared at me again, jumped up and stomped off. No doubt in my mind what SHE thought. Ask me if I have ever let myself be in that position again? When I moved to my current Ward, because a member of the bishopric helped to move my piano into the house, he subsequently asked me how I would feel about a calling playing the piano/organ. I told him in no uncertain terms that I DID NOT play.
Often when we commit an attributiion error, we become indignant about how we were treated and incensed that anyone would deliberately treat us like that. We tend to tell others about it and the words we use influence others to think negatively of the person as well. "This jerk cut me off in traffic today; there could have been an accident." It is one thing when we don't really know the person, but what about - "That so-and-so thought her speed playing the organ was better than mine and deliberately ignored me. She is just so arrogant. I hope no one asks her again!" Or "So and so thinks they are so important, but they really are just arrogant and selfish." So we share our judgments with others and commit the sin of gossiping without thinking whether there could be other less personal reasons.
Why do people do this if they are mostly wrong? Sometimes, very occasionally, we are dealing with a selfish person and we are right; this encourages us as humans to see things this way despite the fact that most people have positive intentions and a truly selfish person is rare. The fundamental attribution error also offers a simple explanation and our brains like simplicity. We are then not required to find out more about the person's context. Some cultures tend to the fundamental attribution error more than others. Studies have shown that people in oriental cultures are more likely to give contextual factors than person internal factors. They tend to attribute factors happening outside the person , or to simply say they don't know enough to make a judgment.
Once we have committed the error, it is hard to talk us out of it. In one study in the US, college students were assigned to write an essay about Fidel Castro. Half were asked to write a favourable essay about him and half were asked to write an unfavourable one. Test subjects were asked to read the essays and comment on the writers. In nearly all cases, the writers of the favorable essays were judged to be 'Castro lovers', sympathetic to him. When the test subjects were told that the writers had no choice and were assigned to write a favourable essay, it made NO differencethe test subjects' judgment of the writers. My own personal experience in dealing with people in conflict, even family members who are supposed to love each other, is that explaining to one person the context the other person is in that may have contributed to their behaviour makes no difference in their judgment. They still insist that the other person was being judgmental, selfish, rude, or whatever; even if they don't say it, behaviour over time demonstrates that they still think it..
The moral of this story? I guess we all need to be less quick to judge another person by assigning personality and character defects like selfishness, self-importance, etc, which are rarely the reason. We should try harder to give them a break because like us, they are working from the best of intentions and sometimes get overwhelmed or make mistakes. We likewise need to take greater responsibility for our own internal processes that may have contributed to the situation. Even though this course of action is consistent with the dictum: "judge not that ye be not judged," it is not as easy as it sounds. However it is possible. So good luck with that!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
What is it about home?
Yesterday at about 9:00 p.m. I arrived home after 18 days of travel. We left for South Carolina on January 4th and arrived back in Calgary January 16th. Then I had to go straight to Edmonton for a course, had one day in between and then spent all day yesterday in an Examination for Discovery about the accident a friend had in 2003. I arrived home tired and a little bit sick. Just a bad cold from not sleeping well for at least a week. So you can imagine how good my own bed with the nice warm, thick mattress pad felt to me. Not to mention how the other nice warm comforting body with his arm around me felt while I slept.
What is it that makes me wake up at 4:30 am or even earlier when I am not in my own bed? Is it that I'm not used to sleeping alone and I need that 'heavy breathing' in my ear? Is it that the bed doesn't feel right? Or that I don't have my own pillow? True it is that I normally carry my own pillow with me when I travel but didn't have it this time. I did sleep significantly better in South Carolina even though the bed was narrow and a lot harder than I am used to. But I had a feather pillow, and, of course, the 'heavy breathing.'
If it is the actual bed and other creature comforts I need, I guess that means I am either very spoiled, or else not very adaptable. When children are fussy about the food and don't want to eat, we tell them they must not be very hungry. The same thinking would lead to saying I must not be very tired. Would that were true and I wouldn't have this chest cold right now. I rarely get a cold, less than one time a year. I am certainly tired enough to fall asleep rapidly when I get into bed. I just wake at an uncomfortablly early hour guaranteeing that I will be in truly awful shape before the day is done.
If this sleeplessness is the result of being forced on occasion to sleep alone, that leaves me with a few uncomfortable realities:
1. My bed partner better outlive me since if he doesn't, I would die soon after him anyway, the victim of insomnolence.
2. I better convince him somehow that he has to follow me around. Since I am obviously more effective when not tired, this could be classed as a professional necessity. So far I have had poor success at this, since he does himself have a life and sometimes needs to work -- and works better at home.
3. I should just give it up and follow him around. However, even if this meant better sleep, I too have a life and really enjoy my work. So sometimes I have to be away from home. Not a good choice to give it up.
4. Resort to medication -- well, no, I don't think so.
5. Just get used to being tired sometimes. This week in spite of insomnolence, I did rather well except for the increasing severity of the cold. I guess I will just have to organize things so that I have adequate recovery time after and try to log in extra sleep hours ahead of time.
Unfortunately, I think the last choice is the only one that has any practical value on a consistent basis.
Just in case you think this is a bit trivial, the side effects of chronic sleep deprivation are not nice: suppressed immune response, increased rate of aging (like wrinkling - yuck), weight gain, reduced cognitive function (i.e. you get stupid), that old favorite irritability and in my case, fibromyalgia or aching muscles and increased blood pressure. In addition, sleep deprivation is assiciated with increased risk of type II diabetes and psychoses like bipolar disorder. Linked to aging, animal studies suggest that sleep deprivation increases stress hormones, which may reduce new cell production in adult brains. Since most growth in children occurs during sleep, sleeplessness can result in suppression of growth hormones and therefore of growth in children and aging in adults. These effects are pretty much backed up by research. And it is true that total sleep deprivation results in death for lab animals. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation#Counteracting_the_effects_of_sleep_deprivation
On the more cheerful side, although sleep deprivation is a common interrogation/torture technique, and it does feel like torture to me, just one night of good sleep can counteractsthe negative effects.
So sleep tight.
What is it that makes me wake up at 4:30 am or even earlier when I am not in my own bed? Is it that I'm not used to sleeping alone and I need that 'heavy breathing' in my ear? Is it that the bed doesn't feel right? Or that I don't have my own pillow? True it is that I normally carry my own pillow with me when I travel but didn't have it this time. I did sleep significantly better in South Carolina even though the bed was narrow and a lot harder than I am used to. But I had a feather pillow, and, of course, the 'heavy breathing.'
If it is the actual bed and other creature comforts I need, I guess that means I am either very spoiled, or else not very adaptable. When children are fussy about the food and don't want to eat, we tell them they must not be very hungry. The same thinking would lead to saying I must not be very tired. Would that were true and I wouldn't have this chest cold right now. I rarely get a cold, less than one time a year. I am certainly tired enough to fall asleep rapidly when I get into bed. I just wake at an uncomfortablly early hour guaranteeing that I will be in truly awful shape before the day is done.
If this sleeplessness is the result of being forced on occasion to sleep alone, that leaves me with a few uncomfortable realities:
1. My bed partner better outlive me since if he doesn't, I would die soon after him anyway, the victim of insomnolence.
2. I better convince him somehow that he has to follow me around. Since I am obviously more effective when not tired, this could be classed as a professional necessity. So far I have had poor success at this, since he does himself have a life and sometimes needs to work -- and works better at home.
3. I should just give it up and follow him around. However, even if this meant better sleep, I too have a life and really enjoy my work. So sometimes I have to be away from home. Not a good choice to give it up.
4. Resort to medication -- well, no, I don't think so.
5. Just get used to being tired sometimes. This week in spite of insomnolence, I did rather well except for the increasing severity of the cold. I guess I will just have to organize things so that I have adequate recovery time after and try to log in extra sleep hours ahead of time.
Unfortunately, I think the last choice is the only one that has any practical value on a consistent basis.
Just in case you think this is a bit trivial, the side effects of chronic sleep deprivation are not nice: suppressed immune response, increased rate of aging (like wrinkling - yuck), weight gain, reduced cognitive function (i.e. you get stupid), that old favorite irritability and in my case, fibromyalgia or aching muscles and increased blood pressure. In addition, sleep deprivation is assiciated with increased risk of type II diabetes and psychoses like bipolar disorder. Linked to aging, animal studies suggest that sleep deprivation increases stress hormones, which may reduce new cell production in adult brains. Since most growth in children occurs during sleep, sleeplessness can result in suppression of growth hormones and therefore of growth in children and aging in adults. These effects are pretty much backed up by research. And it is true that total sleep deprivation results in death for lab animals. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation#Counteracting_the_effects_of_sleep_deprivation
On the more cheerful side, although sleep deprivation is a common interrogation/torture technique, and it does feel like torture to me, just one night of good sleep can counteractsthe negative effects.
So sleep tight.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Masters Degree finished!
I did it! I submitted the last output this week. The official title is Masters Professional Certification in Adult Learning. It only took me a year to do the work and study and the outputs amounted to more than 30,000 words of writing. In the beginning the guidelines were that it could be finished in 6 to 9 months and the writing had to be at least 20,000 words. I don't feel too badly about 12 months, or fourteen if you count from the time I registered. It has been fun and I learned lots. It was not only about having that MA thingey after my name, although I won't mind that. It is really about staying young, always learning new things, and about progress and becoming more competent..
Once many years ago I started a Masters Degree in Guidance and Counselling but had a baby instead in the middle of it. It would not have been as useful to me now as this one anyway, and I am much happier to have that particular daughter. Since nothing is ever wasted however, it was good background for some of the things I studied in the last year. Who knew that Carl Rogers, who had quite a controversial counselling theory, also did a lot or writing about experiential and transformative education? I am now quite a fan of his.
My last output was about my plans for future learning. I guess it should never stop. Realistically we are all learning in some way until we die. The converse of that must be that not learning is like being "not all dead, just mostly dead." Here's to life.
Once many years ago I started a Masters Degree in Guidance and Counselling but had a baby instead in the middle of it. It would not have been as useful to me now as this one anyway, and I am much happier to have that particular daughter. Since nothing is ever wasted however, it was good background for some of the things I studied in the last year. Who knew that Carl Rogers, who had quite a controversial counselling theory, also did a lot or writing about experiential and transformative education? I am now quite a fan of his.
My last output was about my plans for future learning. I guess it should never stop. Realistically we are all learning in some way until we die. The converse of that must be that not learning is like being "not all dead, just mostly dead." Here's to life.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Activity, faith and what they mean
As an LDS person, I have really never made a secret of the fact that the church is very important to me. I don't always talk about it, or I talk about it only in certain circumstances, but if you are around me very long, you will have no doubt about my priorities. When I was a child, maybe 7 or 8 years old, I remember walking to Church by myself. I can't say what the rest of my family were doing at the time, why they didn't take me or weren't going themselves; that's not important. What is important is that I was going because I wanted to and wasn't waiting for someone else to make it easy.
It was important to me because even at that young age, I knew that it was right. I remember sitting in a Sunday School meeting when I was about five years old on a bench with no back with a lot of other kids. Sister Ursenbach, I think her name was Jessie but I am not sure, was speaking. She was the wife of the temple president at that time and she was talking about the importance of the temple and how we should all prepare to go there by living the gospel. The interesting thing about her was that she seemed to have no chin, or maybe a huge double chin, and it jiggled a lot as she talked. I was fascinated watching her. In spite of this distraction, I had a strong feeling, all encompassing, that what she was saying was true. I knew it was. I knew it, not only at that moment, but forever after, and not only about the temple, but about all that it represents.
On different occasions members of my family have talked to me about being actively involved in the Church and about faith. I mentioned that one of my relatives who is not "active," meaning he does not attend meetings, said to his mother about his reasons, "What has the Church ever done for me?" This is a question I would never have thought to ask, not ever in my life. I wouldn't have thought of it. It just seems irrelevant. It makes out that the point of the Church is that it does something for you. If the Church is truely of God, and I know it is, then the real issue is about God, about faith, and about He wants us to do for Him. In the particular conversation where I mentioned this, the other person, Andy, mentioned a "less active" person in his ward who said, complained really, that he has never had a home teacher who made efforts to seek him out and encourage him to activity. Sometimes he didn't even get a visit from his home teacher. Andy thought an appropriate question to ask him might have been, "Well, have you done your home teaching?"
Later Dawn, who is a Primary President told me that one of her teachers laughed on the way out of Primary and said, "You've got to be kidding if you think that our family will be able to do regular scripture reading." I guess she was too busy, or it was too hard to even try. The very idea was a joke. Dawn was a bit appalled at the message she was sending her children about the gospel, about living the gospel, and about its importance. This all calls to mind President Kimball's motto "Do it." That sounds simple, but obviously it is not. Being "active" is about doing things: going to meetings, paying tithing, reading scriptures, giving service, trying to be Christ-Like, trying and trying to do ALL the things actively that we know we should.
It seems that lots of people have gotten things so turned around that they have completely lost this concept and think it is about other people doing things for them. What can a Church do for you? The LDS church is simply an organization composed of people, and are you not then saying that other people should be doing things for you? If that is what you think, then it follow that YOU should be doing things for other people. This may mean paying tithing which helps fund building and programs for people, supporting your bishop, teaching a Primary class, helping in the nursery. These things are ALL about helping others in some way. There is no Church, or if there is I am not sure what it is - the building, those who preside who are really just volunteers. Tthere is only an organization of imperfect people trying to help each other in an organized way. If anyone thinks that this collection of imperfect volunteers is not doing enough helping, then maybe the solution is to roll up one's sleeves and make a contribution.
I once gave a talk about dealing with adversity. I felt like I was dealing with adversity at the time and didn't really want to give a talk about it. But one thing I remember having to say that was one solution was, "Keep on keeping on." In other words, "Be actively involved." If things are hard, be more active not less active. Be actively engaged in a good cause - helping others.
Since then it has been confirmed to me many times over, that faith is not just a principle of power, it is a principle of action. And action leads to more faith. Sometimes we look for signs: "Show me a lightning bolt, have an angel appear to me, give me a profound 'spiritual experience' and then I will believe." I think, at least for me, that those startling experiences come rarely and only after sacrifice and intense 'activity.' What does come - after days, months, even years of daily committment, daily sacrifice and service to others, daily prayer and all the other signs of 'activity - is the assurance in your heart of God's love. I felt it at age five, and I feel it now. Maybe people who say that God is within you have gotten it right. The trick is knowing how to make it happen and to keep on keeping on.
It was important to me because even at that young age, I knew that it was right. I remember sitting in a Sunday School meeting when I was about five years old on a bench with no back with a lot of other kids. Sister Ursenbach, I think her name was Jessie but I am not sure, was speaking. She was the wife of the temple president at that time and she was talking about the importance of the temple and how we should all prepare to go there by living the gospel. The interesting thing about her was that she seemed to have no chin, or maybe a huge double chin, and it jiggled a lot as she talked. I was fascinated watching her. In spite of this distraction, I had a strong feeling, all encompassing, that what she was saying was true. I knew it was. I knew it, not only at that moment, but forever after, and not only about the temple, but about all that it represents.
On different occasions members of my family have talked to me about being actively involved in the Church and about faith. I mentioned that one of my relatives who is not "active," meaning he does not attend meetings, said to his mother about his reasons, "What has the Church ever done for me?" This is a question I would never have thought to ask, not ever in my life. I wouldn't have thought of it. It just seems irrelevant. It makes out that the point of the Church is that it does something for you. If the Church is truely of God, and I know it is, then the real issue is about God, about faith, and about He wants us to do for Him. In the particular conversation where I mentioned this, the other person, Andy, mentioned a "less active" person in his ward who said, complained really, that he has never had a home teacher who made efforts to seek him out and encourage him to activity. Sometimes he didn't even get a visit from his home teacher. Andy thought an appropriate question to ask him might have been, "Well, have you done your home teaching?"
Later Dawn, who is a Primary President told me that one of her teachers laughed on the way out of Primary and said, "You've got to be kidding if you think that our family will be able to do regular scripture reading." I guess she was too busy, or it was too hard to even try. The very idea was a joke. Dawn was a bit appalled at the message she was sending her children about the gospel, about living the gospel, and about its importance. This all calls to mind President Kimball's motto "Do it." That sounds simple, but obviously it is not. Being "active" is about doing things: going to meetings, paying tithing, reading scriptures, giving service, trying to be Christ-Like, trying and trying to do ALL the things actively that we know we should.
It seems that lots of people have gotten things so turned around that they have completely lost this concept and think it is about other people doing things for them. What can a Church do for you? The LDS church is simply an organization composed of people, and are you not then saying that other people should be doing things for you? If that is what you think, then it follow that YOU should be doing things for other people. This may mean paying tithing which helps fund building and programs for people, supporting your bishop, teaching a Primary class, helping in the nursery. These things are ALL about helping others in some way. There is no Church, or if there is I am not sure what it is - the building, those who preside who are really just volunteers. Tthere is only an organization of imperfect people trying to help each other in an organized way. If anyone thinks that this collection of imperfect volunteers is not doing enough helping, then maybe the solution is to roll up one's sleeves and make a contribution.
I once gave a talk about dealing with adversity. I felt like I was dealing with adversity at the time and didn't really want to give a talk about it. But one thing I remember having to say that was one solution was, "Keep on keeping on." In other words, "Be actively involved." If things are hard, be more active not less active. Be actively engaged in a good cause - helping others.
Since then it has been confirmed to me many times over, that faith is not just a principle of power, it is a principle of action. And action leads to more faith. Sometimes we look for signs: "Show me a lightning bolt, have an angel appear to me, give me a profound 'spiritual experience' and then I will believe." I think, at least for me, that those startling experiences come rarely and only after sacrifice and intense 'activity.' What does come - after days, months, even years of daily committment, daily sacrifice and service to others, daily prayer and all the other signs of 'activity - is the assurance in your heart of God's love. I felt it at age five, and I feel it now. Maybe people who say that God is within you have gotten it right. The trick is knowing how to make it happen and to keep on keeping on.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year's Resolutions? Not really
Today is January 2nd, the day to confirm the New Year's Resolutions formulated yesterday. Well, not for me. I have been on such a steep learning curve that I have no desire for resolutions. I am, however, looking over my past year. What a year it was too. I didn't make a lot of money, didn't get published, except for this blog. Didn't become famouns. So what did I do?
1. Finished four parts of my Master'sThesis. That doesn't describe all the work and study I did to learn the stuff to write it. As part of that I also became certified in Equine Assisted Learning and participated in delivering a program or two - quite a steep learning curve. Really read up on Adult Learning Theory and feel llike I really am smarter because of it. I wouldn't have had time to makelots of money evcn if I had had the opportunity, not and get all this done. If there is a resolution it might be to help with the marketing of the EAL programs.
2. Became trained in delivering an additional workshop for the GOA - Resolving Conflict. I know a lot more about resolving conflict, that's for sure. I have read two good books, "Crucial Conversations" and "The Bully at Work." I have learned a lot about the things people do when they are in a conflict to make themselves look better or to win. It is not a pretty side of human nature and really does require skills to deal with it.
3. In August I started a shift at the Alberta Temple. It is marvelous to be there every Tuesday for the afternoon/evening shift. However, if my business gets much busier I may not be able to do it and 2011 is not looking good. (Or it is, however you want to look at it.) How many times will I have to get a sub before I have to admit I don't have time right now? The general idea is that when you get a sub, you are agreeing to sub for them later, which for me could also be a challenge. This job really is for retired people and I am far from retired. If I do careful scheduling I might be able to leave Tuesdays free but even then the real challenge is to fit all the other work I do into one less day a week! So I will just have to see how it goes. The real truth is that they need men more then they need me. I know for certain that single women who want to work at the temple go onto a waiting list. Jim could keep going. However, it would be a real shame to waste the learning I have done to be an ordinance worker . That was a VERY steep learning curve.
I noticed during the year that my right eyelid droops quite a lot. If I am very tired both eyes droop, but I have thought on several occasions that it was odd for only the one to be droopy. I was talking about this with Esther and she said her left eye gets droopy, and she thinks hers is because she worries. The right brain (the side that worries) controls the left eye, ergo her droopy left eye! If my right eye droops that must be because the left brain, the part that is responsible for logic, ideas, reading, and therefore academic learning is tired. Now when that eye gets droopy I take a rest.
So what do I expect for 2011. Back to GOA, perhaps more courses, since I can now deliver three instead of two. More work editing and course design. There are already a couple of projects in the works. And Jim has contracts lining up and when he is busier, so am I. Roxy is getting busy marketing EAL and wants to do Every Wednesday with school students and one more day a week with corporate clients. We could do it. So busy busy busy. Certainly no time for New Year's Resolutions. I guess my one resolutions is to keep on top of what I already know, do, or have planned. Sounds very satisfying.
1. Finished four parts of my Master'sThesis. That doesn't describe all the work and study I did to learn the stuff to write it. As part of that I also became certified in Equine Assisted Learning and participated in delivering a program or two - quite a steep learning curve. Really read up on Adult Learning Theory and feel llike I really am smarter because of it. I wouldn't have had time to makelots of money evcn if I had had the opportunity, not and get all this done. If there is a resolution it might be to help with the marketing of the EAL programs.
2. Became trained in delivering an additional workshop for the GOA - Resolving Conflict. I know a lot more about resolving conflict, that's for sure. I have read two good books, "Crucial Conversations" and "The Bully at Work." I have learned a lot about the things people do when they are in a conflict to make themselves look better or to win. It is not a pretty side of human nature and really does require skills to deal with it.
3. In August I started a shift at the Alberta Temple. It is marvelous to be there every Tuesday for the afternoon/evening shift. However, if my business gets much busier I may not be able to do it and 2011 is not looking good. (Or it is, however you want to look at it.) How many times will I have to get a sub before I have to admit I don't have time right now? The general idea is that when you get a sub, you are agreeing to sub for them later, which for me could also be a challenge. This job really is for retired people and I am far from retired. If I do careful scheduling I might be able to leave Tuesdays free but even then the real challenge is to fit all the other work I do into one less day a week! So I will just have to see how it goes. The real truth is that they need men more then they need me. I know for certain that single women who want to work at the temple go onto a waiting list. Jim could keep going. However, it would be a real shame to waste the learning I have done to be an ordinance worker . That was a VERY steep learning curve.
I noticed during the year that my right eyelid droops quite a lot. If I am very tired both eyes droop, but I have thought on several occasions that it was odd for only the one to be droopy. I was talking about this with Esther and she said her left eye gets droopy, and she thinks hers is because she worries. The right brain (the side that worries) controls the left eye, ergo her droopy left eye! If my right eye droops that must be because the left brain, the part that is responsible for logic, ideas, reading, and therefore academic learning is tired. Now when that eye gets droopy I take a rest.
So what do I expect for 2011. Back to GOA, perhaps more courses, since I can now deliver three instead of two. More work editing and course design. There are already a couple of projects in the works. And Jim has contracts lining up and when he is busier, so am I. Roxy is getting busy marketing EAL and wants to do Every Wednesday with school students and one more day a week with corporate clients. We could do it. So busy busy busy. Certainly no time for New Year's Resolutions. I guess my one resolutions is to keep on top of what I already know, do, or have planned. Sounds very satisfying.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Birthdays, Signposts and meaning
I just had a birthday and am now 62 years old. WOW. What does this mean?
The CBC is on a campaign to interview 500 centenarians in the next year. They say that currently this is the fastest growing demographic. Once interviewee, a woman who was 102, said that you should never think of your age, just do what you want to do every day. It struck a real chord with me. By this standard 62 could mean either 40 years of life left, or it means nothing at all if you never think of it anyway. I rarely do - think of my age that is.
I have thought of it numerous times this summer while I was having a fibromyalgia flare-up but I have concluded that this is only indirectly related to aging. It is more a function of my genetic predisposition to wheat intolerance - the Icelandic connection. (When did those people get much grain for 1000 years?) I also seem to be having issues with anything red - red candy, watermelon (alas), strawberries, other red berries. It's a bit hard to avoid all those things all the time, like at the dinner party last night, but only because I love yummy desserts. Further proof that this is not a sign of aging is the fact that I have grand-children whose eczema is triggered by red, and five of my children are more or less off wheat and the sixth one should be. The youngest of these is not yet 27. At least 5 of my grandchildren are completely off wheat or have to limit amounts. So much for arthritis being a sign of aging, at least for me.
When I was younger, birthdays definitely had meaning. Six was a landmark in aging, i.e. starting school. Thirteen meant become a teen-ager, although that didn't mean much to me in the 1960s - I was more interested in my horse. Sixteen meant I could drive. Eighteen meant I was leaving home and becoming an adult. Et cetera, Et cetera. My age ceased to mean much after 30. When my son David was born, someone asked me how old I was and I hadn't thought about it since 30 and had to do the math to answer. It was like that for years, me doing the math to figure out my age. I don't know why since age 60 I have been so aware. Luckily it hasn't changed my life much.
What have I noticed about being 60+ that is different from younger times? Only one thing. When I let myself get soft, getting into shape takes longer, is more painful, and must be approached more gently than I ever had to before. I just have to find a regular way to exercise during Alberta winters, and I definitely have to make it a priority or I WILL be feeling old.
The one blank space is for the new on coming this month. After that we may have to start a new page.
The CBC is on a campaign to interview 500 centenarians in the next year. They say that currently this is the fastest growing demographic. Once interviewee, a woman who was 102, said that you should never think of your age, just do what you want to do every day. It struck a real chord with me. By this standard 62 could mean either 40 years of life left, or it means nothing at all if you never think of it anyway. I rarely do - think of my age that is.
I have thought of it numerous times this summer while I was having a fibromyalgia flare-up but I have concluded that this is only indirectly related to aging. It is more a function of my genetic predisposition to wheat intolerance - the Icelandic connection. (When did those people get much grain for 1000 years?) I also seem to be having issues with anything red - red candy, watermelon (alas), strawberries, other red berries. It's a bit hard to avoid all those things all the time, like at the dinner party last night, but only because I love yummy desserts. Further proof that this is not a sign of aging is the fact that I have grand-children whose eczema is triggered by red, and five of my children are more or less off wheat and the sixth one should be. The youngest of these is not yet 27. At least 5 of my grandchildren are completely off wheat or have to limit amounts. So much for arthritis being a sign of aging, at least for me.
When I was younger, birthdays definitely had meaning. Six was a landmark in aging, i.e. starting school. Thirteen meant become a teen-ager, although that didn't mean much to me in the 1960s - I was more interested in my horse. Sixteen meant I could drive. Eighteen meant I was leaving home and becoming an adult. Et cetera, Et cetera. My age ceased to mean much after 30. When my son David was born, someone asked me how old I was and I hadn't thought about it since 30 and had to do the math to answer. It was like that for years, me doing the math to figure out my age. I don't know why since age 60 I have been so aware. Luckily it hasn't changed my life much.
What have I noticed about being 60+ that is different from younger times? Only one thing. When I let myself get soft, getting into shape takes longer, is more painful, and must be approached more gently than I ever had to before. I just have to find a regular way to exercise during Alberta winters, and I definitely have to make it a priority or I WILL be feeling old.
In every other way my life is happier and busier. I am 3/4 done a Masters Degree program, am starting a program in Equine Assisted Learning with a partner, am hoping to be deliver a new workshop to the GOA soon, and I am registered with the City of Lethbridge as a writing coach. I also have 17 very soon to be 18 grand-children and they are getting to be a lot of fun for me. I thought you might like to see what they look like, at least what they all looked like a year ago. Children grow up so fast. What does that mean about aging?
The one blank space is for the new on coming this month. After that we may have to start a new page.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
passwords and other memory teasers
I have finally found a password to use on this and other pages that seems to satisfy the rules about complexity and is also one I can remember. The trick for me is that I want to use the same one for the hundred or so other internet sites I use that require a password. Is that allowed? Doesn't that make it easier for a hacker to figure it out somewhere? And what about the suggestion that passwords should be changed occasionally to protect from that? For example, what if someone were to unravel my silly code? They would then have access to everything - my private familysearch account with my children's and grand-children's birthdays and birth-places. Surely you don't want the whole world having access to the private records of living people. Maybe you don't even want one hostile stranger to have that access. And then there are my bank accounts. And the risk of identity theft.
So okay, suppose I agree it is good to change passwords on really important accounts occasionally, but how to remember then what password goes where. Surely no one has the time to change the password on every account regularly and how do you remember which ones you changed and which you didn't? And you are not supposed to use the same one over and over are you? I know, store them on a Rolodex! Back to the dark ages. Just to get into the sites on the computer you want.
This all came up because a friend mentioned to me that she tried to find this blog and it came up missing. I then remembered that when I originally registered it, because I didn't understand what part of the URL I was supposed to fill in for the address, I ended up with a ridiculous looking address nana-www.nanasworld.blogspot.com). So I changed it. Then I forgot what the new address was so when I tried to access my own blog from my facebook page (which only had the old address), I found out it didn't exist. I didn't remember my user name and password anyway, because I had been accessing it from the address for so long and didn't actually sign in. And I couldn't remember the new address because I didn't blog for so long. Well, you can see I finally did find myself on blogger.com. (I also found out that there is a blog with an almost identical name on Blogspot.com - mine is more interesting of course.)
However, the whole thing did revive some frustrations I have with passwords etc. Recently I changed my PIN for my bank card. I just suddenly got nervous about my card's security - inspiration or gut feeling or something. And you are supposed to do that anyway. In any case, I remember the PIN for that card just fine since I use it all the time, but who has only one bank account these days. We use four banks actually. Ridiculous I know, but our Mortgage line of credit is at the TD, personally banking at the ATB, our old account which proves useful sometimes at the CIBC, and we have an old PC account that we have started using recently because when we use the card we earn points for free groceries. After I changed the PIN on my personal account, I couldn't remember if I used the old number or the new number for the PC account, and if it was an old number, which number it was. When I tried to access it, I tried so many numbers the machine froze my card. I knew it was the same as one of my other accounts, or what one of my other accounts used to be. It is a mass of confusion and a gigantic bother. The teller at CIBC told me when I got that PC card that she just uses the same PIN for all of her accounts, although you are not supposed to do that, the rationale being that if a hacker figures it out they can access all your accounts. I guess you just better not lose your wallet in that case.
Then there are the telephone accounts for banking, telephone and satellite accounts. Some of them use and a three number PIN and some use four numbers. When I called PC to get them to unlock that account, the person asked me for the first and last letter of my telephone password. I thought she was nuts. It wasn't even numbers at all but a 'secret' word. I probably established that one 10 years ago, and as if I was going to remember it. I told her I hadn't the foggiest idea. So she told me the first letter was a "V". Well anyone who knows me could have gotten her to put in their own PIN for my account because once I knew the first letter, the last letter was a giveaway. Hundreds of people who know me would have known it also. So I guess now I have to change that one too. Not too big a sacrifice since I couldn't remember it anyway and she had to tell me what it was. But I know it now and if I change it, well, just one more thing to remember. Funny though, even telling her the whole word didn't work for her - I had to tell her only the first and last letter! How bizzarre is that?
The only conclusion I can draw from all of this is that in order to function in our computerized and technological society you have to be a computer yourself. No human could keep track of all these secred passwords, codes and PINs. You are not allowed to use easily understood and remembered passwords like birthdates of yourself or family members, or names of people you know and love, you have to make it as difficult for yourself as possible - random combinations of letters and numbers are perfect because no one can guess them, and neither can you!
I have no solutions for this frustrating problem. If I did, I wouldn't be frustrated would I? If you have a solution, I wish you would share it with me. I am certainly sick of going to a bank machine to make a deposit only to find out that the PIN I thought was the PIN for that account isn't. Not to mention being made to feel stupid by some telephone banking person because I can't remember the secret code I only have to use once every ten years! I NEED a solution!
Feel free to make suggestions. Since I rarely hear anyone mention this problem that I think I must share with hundreds, maybe thousands, even millions of people, maybe there is a secret everyone else knows except me. There's a conspiracy theory for you.
So okay, suppose I agree it is good to change passwords on really important accounts occasionally, but how to remember then what password goes where. Surely no one has the time to change the password on every account regularly and how do you remember which ones you changed and which you didn't? And you are not supposed to use the same one over and over are you? I know, store them on a Rolodex! Back to the dark ages. Just to get into the sites on the computer you want.
This all came up because a friend mentioned to me that she tried to find this blog and it came up missing. I then remembered that when I originally registered it, because I didn't understand what part of the URL I was supposed to fill in for the address, I ended up with a ridiculous looking address nana-www.nanasworld.blogspot.com). So I changed it. Then I forgot what the new address was so when I tried to access my own blog from my facebook page (which only had the old address), I found out it didn't exist. I didn't remember my user name and password anyway, because I had been accessing it from the address for so long and didn't actually sign in. And I couldn't remember the new address because I didn't blog for so long. Well, you can see I finally did find myself on blogger.com. (I also found out that there is a blog with an almost identical name on Blogspot.com - mine is more interesting of course.)
However, the whole thing did revive some frustrations I have with passwords etc. Recently I changed my PIN for my bank card. I just suddenly got nervous about my card's security - inspiration or gut feeling or something. And you are supposed to do that anyway. In any case, I remember the PIN for that card just fine since I use it all the time, but who has only one bank account these days. We use four banks actually. Ridiculous I know, but our Mortgage line of credit is at the TD, personally banking at the ATB, our old account which proves useful sometimes at the CIBC, and we have an old PC account that we have started using recently because when we use the card we earn points for free groceries. After I changed the PIN on my personal account, I couldn't remember if I used the old number or the new number for the PC account, and if it was an old number, which number it was. When I tried to access it, I tried so many numbers the machine froze my card. I knew it was the same as one of my other accounts, or what one of my other accounts used to be. It is a mass of confusion and a gigantic bother. The teller at CIBC told me when I got that PC card that she just uses the same PIN for all of her accounts, although you are not supposed to do that, the rationale being that if a hacker figures it out they can access all your accounts. I guess you just better not lose your wallet in that case.
Then there are the telephone accounts for banking, telephone and satellite accounts. Some of them use and a three number PIN and some use four numbers. When I called PC to get them to unlock that account, the person asked me for the first and last letter of my telephone password. I thought she was nuts. It wasn't even numbers at all but a 'secret' word. I probably established that one 10 years ago, and as if I was going to remember it. I told her I hadn't the foggiest idea. So she told me the first letter was a "V". Well anyone who knows me could have gotten her to put in their own PIN for my account because once I knew the first letter, the last letter was a giveaway. Hundreds of people who know me would have known it also. So I guess now I have to change that one too. Not too big a sacrifice since I couldn't remember it anyway and she had to tell me what it was. But I know it now and if I change it, well, just one more thing to remember. Funny though, even telling her the whole word didn't work for her - I had to tell her only the first and last letter! How bizzarre is that?
The only conclusion I can draw from all of this is that in order to function in our computerized and technological society you have to be a computer yourself. No human could keep track of all these secred passwords, codes and PINs. You are not allowed to use easily understood and remembered passwords like birthdates of yourself or family members, or names of people you know and love, you have to make it as difficult for yourself as possible - random combinations of letters and numbers are perfect because no one can guess them, and neither can you!
I have no solutions for this frustrating problem. If I did, I wouldn't be frustrated would I? If you have a solution, I wish you would share it with me. I am certainly sick of going to a bank machine to make a deposit only to find out that the PIN I thought was the PIN for that account isn't. Not to mention being made to feel stupid by some telephone banking person because I can't remember the secret code I only have to use once every ten years! I NEED a solution!
Feel free to make suggestions. Since I rarely hear anyone mention this problem that I think I must share with hundreds, maybe thousands, even millions of people, maybe there is a secret everyone else knows except me. There's a conspiracy theory for you.
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