Yesterday at about 9:00 p.m. I arrived home after 18 days of travel. We left for South Carolina on January 4th and arrived back in Calgary January 16th. Then I had to go straight to Edmonton for a course, had one day in between and then spent all day yesterday in an Examination for Discovery about the accident a friend had in 2003. I arrived home tired and a little bit sick. Just a bad cold from not sleeping well for at least a week. So you can imagine how good my own bed with the nice warm, thick mattress pad felt to me. Not to mention how the other nice warm comforting body with his arm around me felt while I slept.
What is it that makes me wake up at 4:30 am or even earlier when I am not in my own bed? Is it that I'm not used to sleeping alone and I need that 'heavy breathing' in my ear? Is it that the bed doesn't feel right? Or that I don't have my own pillow? True it is that I normally carry my own pillow with me when I travel but didn't have it this time. I did sleep significantly better in South Carolina even though the bed was narrow and a lot harder than I am used to. But I had a feather pillow, and, of course, the 'heavy breathing.'
If it is the actual bed and other creature comforts I need, I guess that means I am either very spoiled, or else not very adaptable. When children are fussy about the food and don't want to eat, we tell them they must not be very hungry. The same thinking would lead to saying I must not be very tired. Would that were true and I wouldn't have this chest cold right now. I rarely get a cold, less than one time a year. I am certainly tired enough to fall asleep rapidly when I get into bed. I just wake at an uncomfortablly early hour guaranteeing that I will be in truly awful shape before the day is done.
If this sleeplessness is the result of being forced on occasion to sleep alone, that leaves me with a few uncomfortable realities:
1. My bed partner better outlive me since if he doesn't, I would die soon after him anyway, the victim of insomnolence.
2. I better convince him somehow that he has to follow me around. Since I am obviously more effective when not tired, this could be classed as a professional necessity. So far I have had poor success at this, since he does himself have a life and sometimes needs to work -- and works better at home.
3. I should just give it up and follow him around. However, even if this meant better sleep, I too have a life and really enjoy my work. So sometimes I have to be away from home. Not a good choice to give it up.
4. Resort to medication -- well, no, I don't think so.
5. Just get used to being tired sometimes. This week in spite of insomnolence, I did rather well except for the increasing severity of the cold. I guess I will just have to organize things so that I have adequate recovery time after and try to log in extra sleep hours ahead of time.
Unfortunately, I think the last choice is the only one that has any practical value on a consistent basis.
Just in case you think this is a bit trivial, the side effects of chronic sleep deprivation are not nice: suppressed immune response, increased rate of aging (like wrinkling - yuck), weight gain, reduced cognitive function (i.e. you get stupid), that old favorite irritability and in my case, fibromyalgia or aching muscles and increased blood pressure. In addition, sleep deprivation is assiciated with increased risk of type II diabetes and psychoses like bipolar disorder. Linked to aging, animal studies suggest that sleep deprivation increases stress hormones, which may reduce new cell production in adult brains. Since most growth in children occurs during sleep, sleeplessness can result in suppression of growth hormones and therefore of growth in children and aging in adults. These effects are pretty much backed up by research. And it is true that total sleep deprivation results in death for lab animals. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation#Counteracting_the_effects_of_sleep_deprivation
On the more cheerful side, although sleep deprivation is a common interrogation/torture technique, and it does feel like torture to me, just one night of good sleep can counteractsthe negative effects.
So sleep tight.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Masters Degree finished!
I did it! I submitted the last output this week. The official title is Masters Professional Certification in Adult Learning. It only took me a year to do the work and study and the outputs amounted to more than 30,000 words of writing. In the beginning the guidelines were that it could be finished in 6 to 9 months and the writing had to be at least 20,000 words. I don't feel too badly about 12 months, or fourteen if you count from the time I registered. It has been fun and I learned lots. It was not only about having that MA thingey after my name, although I won't mind that. It is really about staying young, always learning new things, and about progress and becoming more competent..
Once many years ago I started a Masters Degree in Guidance and Counselling but had a baby instead in the middle of it. It would not have been as useful to me now as this one anyway, and I am much happier to have that particular daughter. Since nothing is ever wasted however, it was good background for some of the things I studied in the last year. Who knew that Carl Rogers, who had quite a controversial counselling theory, also did a lot or writing about experiential and transformative education? I am now quite a fan of his.
My last output was about my plans for future learning. I guess it should never stop. Realistically we are all learning in some way until we die. The converse of that must be that not learning is like being "not all dead, just mostly dead." Here's to life.
Once many years ago I started a Masters Degree in Guidance and Counselling but had a baby instead in the middle of it. It would not have been as useful to me now as this one anyway, and I am much happier to have that particular daughter. Since nothing is ever wasted however, it was good background for some of the things I studied in the last year. Who knew that Carl Rogers, who had quite a controversial counselling theory, also did a lot or writing about experiential and transformative education? I am now quite a fan of his.
My last output was about my plans for future learning. I guess it should never stop. Realistically we are all learning in some way until we die. The converse of that must be that not learning is like being "not all dead, just mostly dead." Here's to life.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Activity, faith and what they mean
As an LDS person, I have really never made a secret of the fact that the church is very important to me. I don't always talk about it, or I talk about it only in certain circumstances, but if you are around me very long, you will have no doubt about my priorities. When I was a child, maybe 7 or 8 years old, I remember walking to Church by myself. I can't say what the rest of my family were doing at the time, why they didn't take me or weren't going themselves; that's not important. What is important is that I was going because I wanted to and wasn't waiting for someone else to make it easy.
It was important to me because even at that young age, I knew that it was right. I remember sitting in a Sunday School meeting when I was about five years old on a bench with no back with a lot of other kids. Sister Ursenbach, I think her name was Jessie but I am not sure, was speaking. She was the wife of the temple president at that time and she was talking about the importance of the temple and how we should all prepare to go there by living the gospel. The interesting thing about her was that she seemed to have no chin, or maybe a huge double chin, and it jiggled a lot as she talked. I was fascinated watching her. In spite of this distraction, I had a strong feeling, all encompassing, that what she was saying was true. I knew it was. I knew it, not only at that moment, but forever after, and not only about the temple, but about all that it represents.
On different occasions members of my family have talked to me about being actively involved in the Church and about faith. I mentioned that one of my relatives who is not "active," meaning he does not attend meetings, said to his mother about his reasons, "What has the Church ever done for me?" This is a question I would never have thought to ask, not ever in my life. I wouldn't have thought of it. It just seems irrelevant. It makes out that the point of the Church is that it does something for you. If the Church is truely of God, and I know it is, then the real issue is about God, about faith, and about He wants us to do for Him. In the particular conversation where I mentioned this, the other person, Andy, mentioned a "less active" person in his ward who said, complained really, that he has never had a home teacher who made efforts to seek him out and encourage him to activity. Sometimes he didn't even get a visit from his home teacher. Andy thought an appropriate question to ask him might have been, "Well, have you done your home teaching?"
Later Dawn, who is a Primary President told me that one of her teachers laughed on the way out of Primary and said, "You've got to be kidding if you think that our family will be able to do regular scripture reading." I guess she was too busy, or it was too hard to even try. The very idea was a joke. Dawn was a bit appalled at the message she was sending her children about the gospel, about living the gospel, and about its importance. This all calls to mind President Kimball's motto "Do it." That sounds simple, but obviously it is not. Being "active" is about doing things: going to meetings, paying tithing, reading scriptures, giving service, trying to be Christ-Like, trying and trying to do ALL the things actively that we know we should.
It seems that lots of people have gotten things so turned around that they have completely lost this concept and think it is about other people doing things for them. What can a Church do for you? The LDS church is simply an organization composed of people, and are you not then saying that other people should be doing things for you? If that is what you think, then it follow that YOU should be doing things for other people. This may mean paying tithing which helps fund building and programs for people, supporting your bishop, teaching a Primary class, helping in the nursery. These things are ALL about helping others in some way. There is no Church, or if there is I am not sure what it is - the building, those who preside who are really just volunteers. Tthere is only an organization of imperfect people trying to help each other in an organized way. If anyone thinks that this collection of imperfect volunteers is not doing enough helping, then maybe the solution is to roll up one's sleeves and make a contribution.
I once gave a talk about dealing with adversity. I felt like I was dealing with adversity at the time and didn't really want to give a talk about it. But one thing I remember having to say that was one solution was, "Keep on keeping on." In other words, "Be actively involved." If things are hard, be more active not less active. Be actively engaged in a good cause - helping others.
Since then it has been confirmed to me many times over, that faith is not just a principle of power, it is a principle of action. And action leads to more faith. Sometimes we look for signs: "Show me a lightning bolt, have an angel appear to me, give me a profound 'spiritual experience' and then I will believe." I think, at least for me, that those startling experiences come rarely and only after sacrifice and intense 'activity.' What does come - after days, months, even years of daily committment, daily sacrifice and service to others, daily prayer and all the other signs of 'activity - is the assurance in your heart of God's love. I felt it at age five, and I feel it now. Maybe people who say that God is within you have gotten it right. The trick is knowing how to make it happen and to keep on keeping on.
It was important to me because even at that young age, I knew that it was right. I remember sitting in a Sunday School meeting when I was about five years old on a bench with no back with a lot of other kids. Sister Ursenbach, I think her name was Jessie but I am not sure, was speaking. She was the wife of the temple president at that time and she was talking about the importance of the temple and how we should all prepare to go there by living the gospel. The interesting thing about her was that she seemed to have no chin, or maybe a huge double chin, and it jiggled a lot as she talked. I was fascinated watching her. In spite of this distraction, I had a strong feeling, all encompassing, that what she was saying was true. I knew it was. I knew it, not only at that moment, but forever after, and not only about the temple, but about all that it represents.
On different occasions members of my family have talked to me about being actively involved in the Church and about faith. I mentioned that one of my relatives who is not "active," meaning he does not attend meetings, said to his mother about his reasons, "What has the Church ever done for me?" This is a question I would never have thought to ask, not ever in my life. I wouldn't have thought of it. It just seems irrelevant. It makes out that the point of the Church is that it does something for you. If the Church is truely of God, and I know it is, then the real issue is about God, about faith, and about He wants us to do for Him. In the particular conversation where I mentioned this, the other person, Andy, mentioned a "less active" person in his ward who said, complained really, that he has never had a home teacher who made efforts to seek him out and encourage him to activity. Sometimes he didn't even get a visit from his home teacher. Andy thought an appropriate question to ask him might have been, "Well, have you done your home teaching?"
Later Dawn, who is a Primary President told me that one of her teachers laughed on the way out of Primary and said, "You've got to be kidding if you think that our family will be able to do regular scripture reading." I guess she was too busy, or it was too hard to even try. The very idea was a joke. Dawn was a bit appalled at the message she was sending her children about the gospel, about living the gospel, and about its importance. This all calls to mind President Kimball's motto "Do it." That sounds simple, but obviously it is not. Being "active" is about doing things: going to meetings, paying tithing, reading scriptures, giving service, trying to be Christ-Like, trying and trying to do ALL the things actively that we know we should.
It seems that lots of people have gotten things so turned around that they have completely lost this concept and think it is about other people doing things for them. What can a Church do for you? The LDS church is simply an organization composed of people, and are you not then saying that other people should be doing things for you? If that is what you think, then it follow that YOU should be doing things for other people. This may mean paying tithing which helps fund building and programs for people, supporting your bishop, teaching a Primary class, helping in the nursery. These things are ALL about helping others in some way. There is no Church, or if there is I am not sure what it is - the building, those who preside who are really just volunteers. Tthere is only an organization of imperfect people trying to help each other in an organized way. If anyone thinks that this collection of imperfect volunteers is not doing enough helping, then maybe the solution is to roll up one's sleeves and make a contribution.
I once gave a talk about dealing with adversity. I felt like I was dealing with adversity at the time and didn't really want to give a talk about it. But one thing I remember having to say that was one solution was, "Keep on keeping on." In other words, "Be actively involved." If things are hard, be more active not less active. Be actively engaged in a good cause - helping others.
Since then it has been confirmed to me many times over, that faith is not just a principle of power, it is a principle of action. And action leads to more faith. Sometimes we look for signs: "Show me a lightning bolt, have an angel appear to me, give me a profound 'spiritual experience' and then I will believe." I think, at least for me, that those startling experiences come rarely and only after sacrifice and intense 'activity.' What does come - after days, months, even years of daily committment, daily sacrifice and service to others, daily prayer and all the other signs of 'activity - is the assurance in your heart of God's love. I felt it at age five, and I feel it now. Maybe people who say that God is within you have gotten it right. The trick is knowing how to make it happen and to keep on keeping on.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year's Resolutions? Not really
Today is January 2nd, the day to confirm the New Year's Resolutions formulated yesterday. Well, not for me. I have been on such a steep learning curve that I have no desire for resolutions. I am, however, looking over my past year. What a year it was too. I didn't make a lot of money, didn't get published, except for this blog. Didn't become famouns. So what did I do?
1. Finished four parts of my Master'sThesis. That doesn't describe all the work and study I did to learn the stuff to write it. As part of that I also became certified in Equine Assisted Learning and participated in delivering a program or two - quite a steep learning curve. Really read up on Adult Learning Theory and feel llike I really am smarter because of it. I wouldn't have had time to makelots of money evcn if I had had the opportunity, not and get all this done. If there is a resolution it might be to help with the marketing of the EAL programs.
2. Became trained in delivering an additional workshop for the GOA - Resolving Conflict. I know a lot more about resolving conflict, that's for sure. I have read two good books, "Crucial Conversations" and "The Bully at Work." I have learned a lot about the things people do when they are in a conflict to make themselves look better or to win. It is not a pretty side of human nature and really does require skills to deal with it.
3. In August I started a shift at the Alberta Temple. It is marvelous to be there every Tuesday for the afternoon/evening shift. However, if my business gets much busier I may not be able to do it and 2011 is not looking good. (Or it is, however you want to look at it.) How many times will I have to get a sub before I have to admit I don't have time right now? The general idea is that when you get a sub, you are agreeing to sub for them later, which for me could also be a challenge. This job really is for retired people and I am far from retired. If I do careful scheduling I might be able to leave Tuesdays free but even then the real challenge is to fit all the other work I do into one less day a week! So I will just have to see how it goes. The real truth is that they need men more then they need me. I know for certain that single women who want to work at the temple go onto a waiting list. Jim could keep going. However, it would be a real shame to waste the learning I have done to be an ordinance worker . That was a VERY steep learning curve.
I noticed during the year that my right eyelid droops quite a lot. If I am very tired both eyes droop, but I have thought on several occasions that it was odd for only the one to be droopy. I was talking about this with Esther and she said her left eye gets droopy, and she thinks hers is because she worries. The right brain (the side that worries) controls the left eye, ergo her droopy left eye! If my right eye droops that must be because the left brain, the part that is responsible for logic, ideas, reading, and therefore academic learning is tired. Now when that eye gets droopy I take a rest.
So what do I expect for 2011. Back to GOA, perhaps more courses, since I can now deliver three instead of two. More work editing and course design. There are already a couple of projects in the works. And Jim has contracts lining up and when he is busier, so am I. Roxy is getting busy marketing EAL and wants to do Every Wednesday with school students and one more day a week with corporate clients. We could do it. So busy busy busy. Certainly no time for New Year's Resolutions. I guess my one resolutions is to keep on top of what I already know, do, or have planned. Sounds very satisfying.
1. Finished four parts of my Master'sThesis. That doesn't describe all the work and study I did to learn the stuff to write it. As part of that I also became certified in Equine Assisted Learning and participated in delivering a program or two - quite a steep learning curve. Really read up on Adult Learning Theory and feel llike I really am smarter because of it. I wouldn't have had time to makelots of money evcn if I had had the opportunity, not and get all this done. If there is a resolution it might be to help with the marketing of the EAL programs.
2. Became trained in delivering an additional workshop for the GOA - Resolving Conflict. I know a lot more about resolving conflict, that's for sure. I have read two good books, "Crucial Conversations" and "The Bully at Work." I have learned a lot about the things people do when they are in a conflict to make themselves look better or to win. It is not a pretty side of human nature and really does require skills to deal with it.
3. In August I started a shift at the Alberta Temple. It is marvelous to be there every Tuesday for the afternoon/evening shift. However, if my business gets much busier I may not be able to do it and 2011 is not looking good. (Or it is, however you want to look at it.) How many times will I have to get a sub before I have to admit I don't have time right now? The general idea is that when you get a sub, you are agreeing to sub for them later, which for me could also be a challenge. This job really is for retired people and I am far from retired. If I do careful scheduling I might be able to leave Tuesdays free but even then the real challenge is to fit all the other work I do into one less day a week! So I will just have to see how it goes. The real truth is that they need men more then they need me. I know for certain that single women who want to work at the temple go onto a waiting list. Jim could keep going. However, it would be a real shame to waste the learning I have done to be an ordinance worker . That was a VERY steep learning curve.
I noticed during the year that my right eyelid droops quite a lot. If I am very tired both eyes droop, but I have thought on several occasions that it was odd for only the one to be droopy. I was talking about this with Esther and she said her left eye gets droopy, and she thinks hers is because she worries. The right brain (the side that worries) controls the left eye, ergo her droopy left eye! If my right eye droops that must be because the left brain, the part that is responsible for logic, ideas, reading, and therefore academic learning is tired. Now when that eye gets droopy I take a rest.
So what do I expect for 2011. Back to GOA, perhaps more courses, since I can now deliver three instead of two. More work editing and course design. There are already a couple of projects in the works. And Jim has contracts lining up and when he is busier, so am I. Roxy is getting busy marketing EAL and wants to do Every Wednesday with school students and one more day a week with corporate clients. We could do it. So busy busy busy. Certainly no time for New Year's Resolutions. I guess my one resolutions is to keep on top of what I already know, do, or have planned. Sounds very satisfying.
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